Feeling Guilty

Is it weird that I feel incredibly guilty about not having found a full-time library job yet? Well, not even so much about not finding one, because I have limited control over that situation, especially given the current state of the economy... What I feel guilty about is that I'm not as upset about it as I think I should be. After all, I spent 2 1/2 years and nearly $20,000 getting my MLIS.

I suspect part of the reason I'm not so upset is that (a) I at least am working part time as a librarian, so at least I'm getting some sort of return on my investment, financially, professionally and psychologically and (b) I'm lucky to have any job in any field, let alone two jobs, both of which are actually related to my education.

Part of me is even afraid to switch full-time jobs even if something came up, particularly if it's something in a public library. The unfortunate thing about times like this is that, even though library use pretty much skyrockets, the budgets go down the tubes and I'd fear for my job security. I'd be much more inclined to accept a job in a school library, but I'd still be afraid of not being asked to return the next year. My job as a government auditor is pretty darn secure, and while it may not be my dream job I enjoy it most of the time. It just doesn't give me the same sense of purpose as working in a library. When I come home from the courthouse, I feel drained... when I come home from the library, I feel invigorated.

I don't want to be so risk-averse that I turn down a great job opportunity should it be offered... but at the same time, I am terrified of putting myself in a position where I don't have any (or very little) income. Especially if my husband and I do end up with a house.

Yes, that's right. Still no word on the house. The seller's bank wanted to do a second appraisal, because our offer was so far below the original purchase price. Very frustrating, because we do feel we're getting a very good deal and don't want to just walk away, but how long are they going to string us along? All we can do is keep our eyes open for a comparable home at a comparable price, and should we find it... well, too bad for the bank, we're going to withdraw our offer and good luck to them finding another buyer.

But in happier news, the past couple of weekends have been fun! Last Friday I went to New York for a friend's birthday, and we had a delicious dinner at L'Express. Went to New York yet AGAIN on Sunday to visit another friend. Got brunch at Tapeo 29... their brunch comes with your choice of Bloody Mary, mimosa, or screwdriver, with free refills. Seriously, who gives free refills on alcohol? Amazing. Last night my husband and I went back to the city AGAIN with one of his friends to see a midnight showing of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie at Sunshine Cinema. Good times, but finding parking was horrible, ugh.

Well, I'm off. The boy is working tonight, so I have the apartment to myself. Time to finish straightening things up, make some dinner, and love the fact that I have tomorrow off!